✨ Memoir Reflection: Predestination, Providence, the 5 Solas
From Emotional Highs to Doctrinal Roots — A Journey of Re-rooting in Truth
“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” —Isaiah 40:8 (ESV)
As the months passed in our new church, something unexpected began to happen. The quiet that once felt foreign began to feel sacred. Hymns I had resisted started to minister to my soul—not through emotional highs, but through rich, biblical truth. The preaching, which had once felt dry and academic, began to stir something deeper than excitement—it stirred conviction, clarity, and awe.
I was being re-rooted. Not in tradition, but in truth.
But this transition didn’t happen overnight. It was slow, often painful. The first few years were wobbly—full of questions, resistance, and moments of deep confusion. I wrestled with sermons that contradicted everything I had once taught. I grieved the years spent chasing emotional experiences, wondering how I could have missed the deceptiveness of teachings that had felt so sincere.
There were 43 years of unraveling to do.
Raised in the Catholic Church, I had inherited a sacramental view of salvation—one that emphasized ritual, confession, and merit. Then came decades in Pentecostal circles, where the Gospel was often buried beneath emotionalism, prosperity promises, and spiritual performance. I had heard many versions of “Jesus,” but 2019 marked the first time I was truly hearing the Gospel—the unfiltered, unadorned, biblical Gospel of grace.
One of the first questions the elder asked me was simple, yet piercing:
“What is the Gospel?”
I answered confidently, “The Good News.”
He gently pressed, “What is the Good News?”
I stumbled, “Jesus loves us.”
I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t articulate the actual Gospel.
That moment haunted me—not because I felt judged, but because I realized how little I truly understood. I had spent decades in churches, even teaching others, yet I couldn’t explain the very heart of the Christian faith. I began asking friends who had walked with me through those years, and to my heartbreak, they gave the same answer: “Jesus loves us.” Not one could articulate the Gospel clearly.
“For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” —1 Corinthians 2:2 (ESV)
There are many in Pentecostal, NAR, and Word of Faith circles who genuinely love Jesus, yet cannot articulate the Gospel. The message has been diluted—buried under emotionalism, declarations, and spiritual hype. The cross is often mentioned, but rarely explained. Repentance is sidelined. Substitutionary atonement is ignored. Grace is redefined as empowerment, not unmerited favor.
Being in those churches was like being addicted to a spiritual drug. You’re always chasing the next high—whether through declarations, spiritual warfare, or emotionally charged worship. And when the high fades, you self-create another one. You learn how to stir yourself up, how to “activate” your faith, how to speak things into existence. It becomes a cycle of dependency.
My dependency
For me, every morning without fail, I would do spiritual warfare, binding, rebuking, casting out, commanding, demanding, calling family into the kingdom, declarations, confessions etc. Wow, by the time I was finished I was super hyped and ready to face the day!
And when you leave, you hit rock bottom.
You search for a Scriptural fix to replace the emotional rush—but there isn’t one. Scripture doesn’t offer a high. It offers truth. And truth, at first, feels painfully quiet. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t thrill. It simply stands.
“Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” —John 17:17 (ESV)
📖 What Anchored Me: Predestination, Providence, and the Five Solas
Then came the language.
I had never even heard words like predestination, providence, antinomianism, Arminianism, the decretive will of God, the veracity of Scripture—never mind the Five Solas. These weren’t just theological terms—they were keys to understanding doctrines I had never known existed. It felt like stepping into a new country with a new dialect. At first, I was overwhelmed. But slowly, I began to see how these words weren’t barriers—they were bridges.
They helped me name the truths I was discovering. They gave structure to the grace I was beginning to grasp.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” —Ephesians 2:8 (ESV)
That truth unraveled years of striving.
I began to study doctrines I had once avoided—election, predestination, assurance. At first, they felt cold and rigid. But as I searched the Scriptures, I saw something beautiful: these doctrines weren’t barriers to God’s love—they were the very foundation of it.
“He chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.” —Ephesians 1:4 (ESV)
“And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” —Romans 8:30 (ESV)
I had feared that these truths would make God seem distant. But instead, they revealed how near He had always been. I wasn’t saved because I held on tightly—I was saved because He had laid hold of me.
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” —John 10:27–28 (ESV)
And with that came assurance.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” —Philippians 1:6 (ESV)
🔍 The Five Solas — Foundations of Faith
| Sola | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Sola Scriptura | Scripture Alone — God’s Word is our final authority. (2 Timothy 3:16–17) |
| Sola Fide | Faith Alone — We are justified by faith, not effort. (Romans 5:1) |
| Sola Gratia | Grace Alone — Salvation is a gift, not a wage. (Titus 3:5) |
| Solus Christus | Christ Alone — No other mediator, no other name. (Acts 4:12) |
| Soli Deo Gloria | Glory to God Alone — All praise belongs to Him. (Romans 11:36) |
“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” —Romans 11:36 (ESV)
🌳 Worship Reimagined: In Spirit and Truth
“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth…” —John 4:23 (ESV)
True worship isn’t measured by goosebumps or atmosphere—it’s shaped by truth. When the Word of God swells in our hearts, worship becomes a response to revelation, not sensation.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly… singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” —Colossians 3:16 (ESV)
🎵 Hymn for Reflection
Crown Him with many crowns,
The Lamb upon His throne;
Hark! how the heavenly anthem drowns
All music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing
Of Him who died for thee,
And hail Him as thy matchless King
Through all eternity.1
This verse echoes Revelation 19:12, which speaks of Christ: “On his head are many diadems…” —Revelation 19:12 (ESV)
Let this hymn be a reminder: our worship joins the eternal chorus, not a fleeting moment. Christ alone is worthy.
📚 Further Study
Scripture Passages:
• Romans 8:28–30
• Ephesians 1:3–14
• 1 Corinthians 3:11
• 2 Timothy 3:16–17
• John 4:23–24
• Philippians 1:6
• Romans 11:36
Recommended Reading:
• Chosen by God — R.C. Sproul
• The Five Points of Calvinism — Steele & Thomas
• The Sovereignty of God — A.W. Pink
• Knowing God — J.I. Packer
🙏 Closing Reflection & Prayer
“It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.” —Psalm 119:71 (ESV)
Reflection Questions:
• How does God’s sovereignty change the way I rest in Him daily?
• How can I cultivate worship that is grounded in Scripture and grace this week?
Prayer:
Lord, You alone are worthy of glory. Thank You that Your Word stands firm, Your hand governs all things, and Your grace is unshakable. Teach me to worship You in spirit and truth, to rest in Your sovereignty, and to trust in Christ alone. May my joy flow from Your glory, not fleeting emotion, and may my life reflect Your truth.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
💬 Let’s Walk Together
This has been a difficult journey, but I wanted to put it out here because I know I’m not alone in the struggle. If you’ve walked a similar road—or are just beginning to—your story matters. Let’s walk together in grace. Share your journey, and let’s encourage one another in the truth that sets us free.
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